As I sit here in Chiang Mai, Thailand, I’m thinking about how crazy and chaotic life has been for the past few months.
First of all, I’m in Thailand, what??!! That was not the plan….at all. It’s been a while since I last posted and I apologize, mostly to myself, because I was so happy to start this blog ANDDDD did not post a thing all summer, so I’m sorry! If I had a dollar for every time I thought about posting, I’d be rich! Well, I would probably have at least 100$. I took a full course load of school work, worked a shitty job, got fired (for terrible reasons *coughs*), and have been traveling practically every other week.
So, yes, I am in Thailand and for the next 8 months, too. Eight friggin’ months ya’ll! A part of me is freaking out on the inside still, but at the same time I know that by the end of these 8 months I am going to be a changed person and this was the step I needed to take to grow as a person and make the dreams I have for my life, come true. It was not easy, but I prayed a lot and felt like this was the direction I needed to go in.
Secondly, I am supposed to be in Oregon finishing my degree! I have one year left in school and post-poning these plans was really hard for me because I SO badly just want to be done with school and my degree. So, my time off from school has turned from 6 months off to a year and a half off.
At the same time, this is exactly what I needed.
So often as westerners, we just want to get things done. From one thing to the next, we have a need to accomplish what we are supposed to do in the eyes of our parents, family, friends, and peers. BUT, what I, myself realized is that the stuff I want to accomplish and what other people want me to accomplish will always be different and I must do what I feel like I need to do for myself to feel good about who I am.
This past year I have been selfish.
Since December, I decided I would only put me first. This is the best decision I have ever made. I have learned so much about myself and I am still learning, I am still being selfish, but not nearly as much as I needed to be in the beginning. Coming from the lowest point in my life, an emotionally abusive relationship, lost friendships, in-and-out of the hospital, anxiety, depression…the list goes on. I knew I needed to make this decision, there was no other choice for me. I have heard from family and friends that I have been extremely selfish on occasion, but I have decided to not feel bad about it. Why?
Because I cannot feel bad for letting myself to heal.
Well, You might be wondering what I am doing in Thailand. I am doing a sort of business building/internship learning experience. I will be starting my own business while I’m out here and learning the ins and outs of how to do that along with being mentored. If your familiar with YWAM, I have partnered with them in my journey out here. I have been here in Chiang Mai for a week! It is absolutely incredible, guys. This place is so beautiful and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be out here.
If you kept up with my other posts, I explained I was going to a lot of different states/countries this summer. Unfortunately, only a few of those plans worked out, but if you guys want to follow my travels, definitely follow me on instagram: Hazelosborn_ 🙂 I’m going to have a lot of time to focus on myself while I’m out here so I will definitely be posting more and I definitely also want to share with you guys the way I have been doing life.
Things are going to be much simpler, thank God!
This is more of a, jeeze, where have you been post?!?!?! So I will definitely be posting more focused and themed posts. This is just me getting back into this, I mean I did pay for it…right?
I’ll exit with a few quotes…
“It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to, has power over you, if you allow it.”
“You can’t rewrite your past, but you can grab a clean sheet of paper and write your future.”
“Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen”