What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly ∞

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Stunning double rainbow in Chiang Mai, Thailand on Friday ❤

Have you ever wanted something so bad, you just HAD to have it?

For example, when you were a kid and you begged your parents for that shiny new race-car or cute little baby doll. When you saw it, you just knew, that was it and nothing else could take its place. Every chance you got, you asked for it, over and over, until one day you finally opened it on Christmas or your birthday. Then… the moment you opened it, all the warm feelings of excitement, gratefulness, and satisfaction washed over you and you may have thought, nothing could be better than this! And I’m so glad I was soooo persistent. And maybe you were too young to know what persistence even meant…

But What are you asking for? What do you want so bad you have to have?

Or is it something you think you can’t have or don’t think you’ll ever be able to obtain. Well, if that’s how you’re gonna think then you definitely won’t! That’s life baby. Some things you won’t be able to get if you keep thinking you’ll never be able to have them and vice versa. I use to think I’d never be able to start a business and really be successful, but here I am launching my own website!

Not knowing if I’m going to succeed or fail….

Well let me tell you, that little voice inside of your head that is telling you, you can’t do this, you can’t do that,  is bullshitting you, and, well you gotta ignore the living shit out of it before you believe it. I use to tell myself over and over again that one day I’ll be able to pursue my dreams, but it wasn’t until I took action that things started to happen. Your dreams are literally right there you just have to step out of your comfort zone, reach and grab them….

Lately, I’ve been trying to clear my mind, like really clear it….completely clear it. Get rid of all that garbage that has built up for SO long, as long as the Wall of China, long. It has taken me a long time, but I’m letting go of all the negative things in my life slowly, one by one and each day I feel a little bit better. I’m not saying it is easy and a lot of the time I’m struggling. But, don’t let that jackass voice upstairs have control! The one that says,  you can’t do it, you’re going to fail,  no one will like you if you do this,  you’re too fat or skinny, you know, THAT voice. That stupid voice that tells me I’m an absolutely terrible person one day, and the next, I’m superior to the human race, or something like that. You get the point.

So how do you get rid of it?

That’s a good question, I’m still trying to figure out. But, here’s what I got. Every time you hear that POS voice telling you something like, “hey girl, you really shouldn’t wear that, your fat is showing”,  “You can’t talk to that guy, he’s way out of your league” or “you’ll never be able to get that job, or you can’t do that”.  TELL IT NO. Tell it no every damn chance you get, make note cards, write it in your calender, on your laptop, your hand, your face, your friggin’ toilet paper. I don’t care.  And don’t let anything stop you! Wear that outfit and feel sexy in your own skin, talk to that guy and get his number, sell yourself to that employer and get the damn job, pursue your dreams!

Go after what you want and if you don’t know what you want, then take the time to figure it out and then make a plan.

Be the person God made you to be ❤

Because nothing is more than worth it when you achieve your wildest dreams, when you open that present on your birthday and it is exactly what you wanted. Of course, all that nagging wasn’t easy ;), but life is not easy. I can’t tell you how many times I have fallen down, but I can tell you all the times that I have gotten up, so get up and know that things won’t always be easy, but don’t let that stop you.

Feeling super motivational today apparently!

But for real, be a boss at life! You don’t have to change the world or start a business, but you can reach for whatever you put your mind to if that is going to art school, or becoming an electrician, comedian, social media star, or even something simple as being nice to your neighbor. Don’t let that rejection letter stop you from trying, or let someone tell you how you should go about things.

When Thomas Edison was asked “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times.” That’s the kind of attitude that changes everything. He saw every “failed attempt” as a learning experience, a chance to improve.

I need to write and hear this just as much as anyone else who needs to remember to be more positive. I can’t even tell you all the bad days I have and how I just want to quit, but I wouldn’t be where I want to be if I quit and all my work would have been for nothing.

“ Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill

“I never dreamed about success, I worked for it” -Estée Lauder

“My life didn’t please me, so I created my life” -Coco Chanel

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Here´s a great book if your looking to get past a mental block. It´s short and sweet!     Link Here: The War of Art

 

 

 

 

Choices, Christianity, and Death by Skateboarding.

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Fall is the best time of the year ❤

BLEH! What a past couple of weeks it has been. I mean not only am I in a foreign country, where I barely know how to get by, (but am learning!), I tore my ACL completely while skateboarding and have to get surgery. Have you ever heard the saying, “one step forward, two steps back” ? Well that is how I feel. I make a move in the right direction only to go back, but one step forward IS one step forward, no matter how many steps back. I also have been trying to get rid of an infection since I got here, and needless to say it has not been fun, but as one friend has told me many times over, attitude is everything!

I’ve been staying positive, well trying…

Of course, I have a few bad days, don’t we all? But I choose not to let this get me down. When you believe you’re here for a reason, you really have to hold onto that regardless of what happens to you. You have to choose to keep pushing because it is all we can do. And why go by the days hating life when you can choose not to? I’m not saying there aren’t things like depression and anxiety because I’ve been there, but everything is a choice. Today I’m choosing to stay positive regardless of my health conditions, but do please pray for me, this is no way fun!

So, I haven’t really mentioned it a whole lot in my blog, but I am a Christian, and it is what I hold most important in my life. I’ve certainly avoided it because today, I believe that people are more prone to be prejudice against someone who believes in God. I’ve seen it multiple times, but I don’t think that these instances should make me feel afraid to share with others about a big part of who I am as a person.

 So, what does it mean to be a Christian?

Being a Christian does not mean I judge people for not believing in God or that I hate gays, or think that I am better than anyone. In fact, this has nothing to do with being a Christian. Being a Christian is believing in the Bible and that Jesus died for everyone’s sins. It is living the truth of his death and resurrection and applying his word to my life and trying to live a life like Jesus did. Jesus didn’t hate anyone, he loved everyone. He hung out with the gangsters, liars, murderers, the people who we today, stay far away from at all costs. He even preached against religion, saying the Pharisees were hypocrites.

It does make me sad that I haven’t been more open about this because I was afraid of what people would think. Lately though, I have been caring less and less of what people think of me. People are not going to like me whether I believe in God, or whether it be the stupid fact for the way I dress. Basically, it doesn’t matter what people think besides you. If you love you, then who cares. Not do whatever you want and burn down the house who cares, but don’t let others affect the way you live your life! I always thought that I had a “don’t care” attitude, but I wasn’t really being real with myself. When you sit down and ask yourself, How do I really, truly feel about this? it will surprise you when you actually process what you’re thinking.

And the real, true people who love you, will love you for you.

I also know I have said in so many of my posts that you guys read, TO LOVE YOURSELF! I know I have preached this over and over, but it is SO important.  I hope you know that I am still on that journey and each day I grow closer and closer to that reality of really loving myself and not caring what others think of me. I am thankful that I begun this journey in December of 2016, but I still have a long way to go, but I am getting closer and closer to it each day! I hope you know that just because I say it doesn’t mean it is an easy thing to do. It is a process, so please take my advice again, and truly learn yourself before you let someone else know you before you have a clue where to even begin. It’s worth it to you and those around you, I promise!

Like I said before, and what I’m sure you’ve heard a million times in your life, is that everything is a choice. Sometimes it sucks to think about it, but if you can sit down and think, I have the choice to doing something positive or do something negative and really think about it, then I think you would be surprised with yourself. Besides when you choose to be negative, you don’t only hurt yourself, but you hurt those around you as well.

I’ve been reading this AMAZING book lately and what makes me even more excited, is the fact that I am getting closer to starting a business of my very own. Each idea and bad idea that I have is shaping what I want to do or don’t want to do. The book is #GIRLBOSS by Sophia Amoruso of NastyGal. I’ll drop the link down here. I would recommend reading it even if you don’t intend to start a business of your own because there is so much great life advice that you can get from the book and apply to your everyday life.

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Here is the link to buy:  #GIRLBOSS

I almost wrote a few blogs over the past couple of weeks, but none of them felt right and I chose not to submit the very angry post I wrote out last week. I figured it would probably be best I didn’t share a post when I was having a shit day, and I’m really glad I didn’t! Although, it is important to share that I do have those bad and angry feelings because I am only human after all.  As usual thanks for reading <3. Much love and I look forward to sharing with you soon the progress of my business that I’m going to be starting in the next few weeks. Here goes nothing!

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.” –Lao Tzu

 

Simple & Chaotic.

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To new beginnings and new adventures..

As I sit here in Chiang Mai, Thailand, I’m thinking about how crazy and chaotic life has been for the past few months.

First of all, I’m in Thailand, what??!! That was not the plan….at all. It’s been a while since I last posted and I apologize, mostly to myself, because I was so happy to start this blog ANDDDD did not post a thing all summer, so I’m sorry! If I had a dollar for every time I thought about posting, I’d be rich! Well, I would probably have at least 100$. I took a full course load of school work, worked a shitty job, got fired (for terrible reasons *coughs*), and have been traveling practically every other week.

Anyways…

So, yes, I am in Thailand and for the next 8 months, too. Eight friggin’ months ya’ll! A part of me is freaking out on the inside still, but at the same time I know that by the end of these 8 months I am going to be a changed person and this was the step I needed to take to grow as a person and make the dreams I have for my life, come true. It was not easy, but I prayed a lot and felt like this was the direction I needed to go in.

Secondly, I am supposed to be in Oregon finishing my degree! I have one year left in school and post-poning these plans was really hard for me because I SO badly just want to be done with school and my degree. So, my time off from school has turned from 6 months off to a year and a half off.

At the same time, this is exactly what I needed.

So often as westerners, we just want to get things done. From one thing to the next, we have a need to accomplish what we are supposed to do in the eyes of our parents, family, friends, and peers. BUT, what I, myself realized is that the stuff I want to accomplish and what other people want me to accomplish will always be different and I must do what I feel like I need to do for myself to feel good about who I am.

This past year I have been selfish.

Since December, I decided I would only put me first. This is the best decision I have ever made. I have learned so much about myself and I am still learning, I am still being selfish, but not nearly as much as I needed to be in the beginning. Coming from the lowest point in my life, an emotionally abusive relationship, lost friendships, in-and-out of the hospital, anxiety, depression…the list goes on. I knew I needed to make this decision, there was no other choice for me. I have heard from family and friends that I have been extremely selfish on occasion, but I have decided to not feel bad about it. Why?

Because I cannot feel bad for letting myself to heal.

Well, You might be wondering what I am doing in Thailand. I am doing a sort of business building/internship learning experience. I will be starting my own business while I’m out here and learning the ins and outs of how to do that along with being mentored. If your familiar with YWAM, I have partnered with them in my journey out here. I have been here in Chiang Mai for a week! It is absolutely incredible, guys. This place is so beautiful and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be out here.

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I found a very zen Ronald McDonald, so of course I had to pose with him 😉

If you kept up with my other posts, I explained I was going to a lot of different states/countries this summer. Unfortunately, only a few of those plans worked out, but if you guys want to follow my travels, definitely follow me on instagram: Hazelosborn_ 🙂 I’m going to have a lot of time to focus on myself while I’m out here so I will definitely be posting more and I definitely also want to share with you guys the way I have been doing life.

Things are going to be much simpler, thank God!

This is more of a, jeeze, where have you been post?!?!?! So I will definitely be posting more focused and themed posts. This is just me getting back into this, I mean I did pay for it…right?

I’ll exit with a few quotes…

“It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to, has power over you, if you allow it.”

“You can’t rewrite your past, but you can grab a clean sheet of paper and write your future.”

“Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen”

<3<3<3

 

Who are you wearing?

 

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Steve Jobs through the years

Clothes, there an identity.

Today, I’m a surfer with my surfboard and wetsuit and tomorrow, I’m a powerful woman boss in a high-end tailored suit.

Okay not really, but do you get where I’m going with this? That what we wear defines us, whether we like it or not. Have you ever heard the saying, “you are what you eat!” Well honestly you are what you wear, an image that we project as humans, our look. “But Haley, it’s what’s on the inside that counts!” Yeah we’ve all heard that before, and by far it is immensely true, but….

But looks matter. And don’t think I’m being shallow for saying this because I’m talking about the clothes on your back, the decision you make everyday on how you display yourself to the world. Because to me, what you wear is how you present yourself and how you want others to see you and it’s also about feeling good. Yes, beauty does only go skin deep and you may well think I’m being shallow by now, but fashion is an art. When I wake up, I take pride in knowing that I can wear whatever I want to wear, that I can be whoever I want to be. “Girl you think its Halloween 24/7?” No, no I don’t, but get this.

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Cute, huh? I think that was 5th or 6th grade and notice how I’m totally wearing a men’s suit.

From the longest time I can remember, I’ve always loved dressing up. I loved putting on fancy dresses and tutu’s, but then I would find my brothers clothes and loved wearing their button-up shirts and sports jerseys.

Complete opposite sides of the spectrum, right?

This is how I create myself, though, through fashion; through diverse styles of different feelings, emotions, and characters. I can feel sad and wear all black or I can be happy and wear bright colors, but fashion isn’t always about how one feels. I can feel like total shit one day, but dress extremely boujee because I don’t want others to know I’m having a bad day. In this sense it is covering up my emotions and displaying a level of creativity.

Now fashion is also looking a certain way, I can be someone else, I can be who I choose to dress as. I want to dress tomboy and edgy one day and the next I might dress in a power suit and Jimmy Choo heels, while another day I dress like a total tree huggin’ hippie. I’m not saying you can just magically be someone else, but you kind of can. I can be the same person on the inside, same old Haley, but on the outside I create a whole new look.

That’s the magic of fashion. You have your core identity, but you can choose another identity that day, and the down right truth is, we do it all the time.There are so many different styles and ways to dress it’s absurd, but that’s what we do as humans, we put a label to someone for what they wear because it says something about who you are. We choose to be athletes, business savvy, workers, music-lovers, protestors, goths, preps, punks, rockers, hippies, and so on. I mean think about halloween where we literally pretend to be someone else for a day or actors and actresses.

So next time you throw on some clothes, do you ever stop to think, what does this say about me? Does it say, your a skater? You’re part of a business or organization? That you’re a star-wars lover, a trend-setter, a boy, a girl, a scientist, a mom? It doesn’t have to go that deep because if your confident and think, “I just feel good about myself” than that’s what matters.

But seriously, I want to make you think. What do you think what you wear says about who you are as a human being? Does it mean something to you? Or does it not mean anything?

 

 

 

43rd, androgyny, crying, revolution.

fullsizeoutput_1f99So here I am, driving through the country of this town Lincoln, Nebraska that sometimes feels like it has four walls that are crashing down on me. Nothing felt right this particular morning, or for the past 4 weeks to be exact. So I just got in my car and started driving, and crying, a lot. It was a beautiful day, but my mind felt dark, gloomy, and full of thunderstorms. I decide to pull into Pioneers Park, thinking that being in nature would somehow calm me down, but I’m too nervous to get out of the car. I don’t want others to see my fragile, broken self alone and crying, so I sit in my car pleading with myself. I’m having a realllly bad day. I need to talk to someone to tell them how I’ve been feeling since I got back from Europe exactly a month ago.

Of course my mom is always there to listen.

I tell her how depressed I’ve been for this whole month, why I haven’t been myself and so grumpy. Maybe you’re thinking, “dude, you just went to Europe, get a grip!” Yeah, well I know, but sometimes change is really cool, but sometimes it totally sucks. This whole month I just could not find a reason why things were so wrong. I was looking forward to starting so many new projects and finishing some old ones,  but here I was just going through the motions. So after a month, I completely lost it and couldn’t deal with being so down anymore and somehow, I started to shake myself out of this little dark hole I was in.

Ever hear of reverse-culture shock? If you ever go abroad for awhile I suggest you look it up, because it’s not fun. Things felt kinda perfect in Italy and then I came home and things felt, I don’t know, kinda unperfect. It sucks to be feeling alone, like no one’s relating with how you’re feeling and you just want someone to hear you out. If you don’t have someone like that in your life, I’d recommend a person who will listen and hug you and get ice cream with you. That person is my mom. I couldn’t be more grateful for her, she’s there when no one else is.

Needless to say, I’ve been doing a lot better.

Okay, so maybe you’re wondering what The43rdKind means, or maybe you’re not. And maybe you’re wondering why the hell I just told you I had an emotional breakdown. Well, either way I’m going to tell you what it means and well, emotions are just a part of everything and coming home has been hard for me.

When I was in Europe I made a business plan for what I want to do, and I’m calling my business ‘The43rdKind’. It’s going to be a non-gender/unisex clothing line. And I’m pretty sure It’s going to be a skateboarding brand (still in the works y’know). So one of my closest friends I’ve known since I was 5 told me when we were young that 143 means I love you. That always stuck with me.

Those 3 little words that mean so much to everyone, and to me.

Do you ever see a number everywhere? Or a sign, a word, something, literally everywhere? Well I always see the number 43. And to me it means love you and also adds up to another favorite number of mine, 7. Well, The43rdKind is suppose to be an androgynous loving human kind brand and I want to promote love through the clothes I design and that it doesn’t matter who you are because we love you no matter if you are gay, lesbian, non-binary, binary, transexual, gender-neutral, male, she, queer, they, and so on, everyone. Because we’re all searching for love one way or another, right? That’s why I want to do unisex fashion, because in fashion there’s only male fashion and female fashion, so why can’t there be another section? There are quite a few brands out there doing unisex/non-gender clothing right now, but it’s still not mainstream. So, let’s make it mainstream people.

Let’s revolutionize the world of fashion. 

 

 

First blog post EVER. What’s gooood?!

Hey guys! So happy to be sharing this blog with you all. I’ve started this blog to share with my family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, strangers, aliens, YOU, etc. on my journey through life.  So if you’re reading this I’m glad you’re riding along for a behind the scenes journey with me. I feel like there are so many blogs out there or just social media in general that paints a picture of what life should be like, so here is my blog, no bullshit, no strings attached, just a human being with some cool stuff to say and share.  This post is just a little intro of what I’ve been up to recently, some future plans and of course some of my random thoughts!

You with me so far? Great. 🙂 If you know me, you know I am from Nebraska! We have corn, college football, and friendly folks, that’s about it…..You ever see that movie Children of the Corn? Where they drive across the Midwest and find a dead body right outside the cornfield? That’s not Nebraska so it’s okay, you don’t need to worry about that if you ever come to visit. It is a classic 1980’s movie, though.  I am living in the great state of Nebraska until September, and then I will be heading back to Oregon for my last year of college. In between now and September I am headed to Cuba!! I am super stoked and can’t wait to share the experience and pictures with all of you. I just read the Newspaper yesterday, actually, with an article on Cuba, saying that Cuba will not be the same as it looks now in a few years from now. Which means if you have the chance, definitely go while there are still snazzy 1950’s cars polluting the air and of course for all of the culture and history too.

I just recently got back from traveling to Italy, Germany, and Switzerland. So here’s a little bit of background. Out of an emotional wreck of myself, after being in an unhealthy relationship for 6 months, I decided I needed to take 6 months break from University to clear my head and get back on track. So I immediately came to the conclusion that I HAD to leave the country. I took out the 3,200$ I had saved up since I was about 12 and I wasn’t planning on telling any of my family members I was leaving and that was that. Great idea, right? Well luckily for me, I had this unbelievable opportunity that came up; and after talking to a few people, I agreed that maybe it was best to tell my parents…but things worked out just the way they were supposed to. This opportunity to do a class abroad called ‘free-sports and youth culture’ came up through an organization called YWAM and was the perfect chance for my escape. Through it, I have learned more than I could have asked for and I feel absolutely blessed to have had the opportunity.  Sometimes you need to do something big to heal yourself, and I find that healing through traveling.  I stayed in Italy for 5 weeks and went on tour through Germany and Switzerland the other two weeks. Let me just say, Europe is a phenomenal place to be. Each country has its own essence, language(s), and beauty.  I met amazing people and really, really, had the chance to figure out a few things for myself. I learned a ton about skateboarding and started skateboarding myself! It’s super fun even though I still fall on my ass all the time. I started an awesome project that is the beginning of my business endeavors. It’s a cool document that is my go-to plan for what I want to do in fashion. (That’s a whole different story, you’ll hear it soon enough, trust me.)

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Here is the group of amazing people I went on tour with! We are all different nationalities. From left to right: German, American, Romansh, Australian, and Welsh

Note: this picture was taken at 5 a.m. an ungodly hour and why our eyes are all red-eyed.

I hope I’m not just completley boring you too much now on my first post, but I’m really excited about this blog and hope you guys can get something out of reading my posts. Whether it’s a little something about traveling, a little encouragement,  something you can relate to, or you just like to read it, I’m super stoked on that. Over time, I’m sure my blog will change and grow and might look totally different than it does now, so just forewarning you ahead of time. A little change never hurt nobody right? Because through change we grow fortunately, and sometimes, unfortunately. Well I hope everyone has an amazing week! Feel free to comment, e-mail, or catch me on social media here’s the link –> Contact Me. Don’t forget to check out my About me if you want to know more about who I am. And now, as for how to end with a bang? Well, that’s another blog post for another time.

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Tour life 🙂